21st May 2011

I don't know if you'll be checking on this whilst we're not talking, but I felt as though I should write a blog just in case.

____________________________________________________________________

Waking up without you
It doesn't feel right
To sleep with only memories
It's harder every night
Sometimes I think I can feel you breathing on my neck

Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars
I think that he owes me a favor
It doesn't matter where you are
I'll hold you again

I wish I could hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed
Not tonight, not tomorrow

I've got the feeling that this will never cease
Living in these pictures
It never comes with ease
I swear that if I could make this right
You'd be back by now

Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars
He knows he owes me a favor
It doesn't matter where you are
You'll be mine again

I wish I can hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed

What about the plans that we had
We'd been crazy not to go
Meet me in capeside

I wish I can hear your voice
And don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more
And don't leave me alone in this bed

Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone in this bed
Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone in this bed
____________________________________________________________________

I keep hearing songs that make me think of you, :(

I don't know what's going to happen and it terrifies me that it could all go horribly wrong :(
I'd lose the most important person to me, my fiancé..
I don't think my heart will be able to deal with it :(
It's yours, that I know for sure, but the part I have left,
The part that's keeping me alive,
I don't know how that'll deal with the loss of you.

If I were a rabbit I'd die over the loss of you :(

I don't really know what else to write for now..

I just want you to know that I love you.
I will respect your decision no matter what it is.
I may try to fight to get you back, but I don't think I can be blamed for that.

Farewell for now, my beautiful fallen angel...


<3

So yeah.. Your face is pretty soft...

Now then,
You get to see another blog entirely devoted to my beautiful fiancé ^___^

Well, for starters, seeing as I know you'll be reading this eventually,
I love you Aby Helen Louise Mary-Kate Harley Ashley Wood.

I know you're sad, but I'm here for you.
I know you think I deserve better, but you're the best for me.
I know you think you're shit, but you're amazing in my eyes.
I know you hate yourself, but I love you enough to make up for it.
I know that sometimes you cry, but one day I'll be there to catch your tears.
I know that occasionally you feel as though you should die, but in all honesty, that's just silly.
I know you think you're a bitch, but you're the sweetest girl around.
I know you get treated badly, but I'm gonna treat you perfectly for the rest of my life.
I know you sometimes think that I'm ignoring you, but I'd never EVER do that.


You're the best thing in my life,
I wouldn't lie to you about that :)
_________________________________________________________

With Me - Sum 41


I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go...
_________________________________________________________

It's funny, when I first heard that song you became on my mind,
I mean, you nearly always are the only thing going on up there anyway but the song made me just want you back so much more :( It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like a lifetime..

To be without you is the greatest heartache I could suffer...

I don't know what it is about you..
I know certain parts..
Like these;

You're beautiful,
You're fun to talk to,
You're sweet,

You're genuinely nice,

We have a lot in common,

I love hugging you,

I love kissing you,
I love to spend time to you,
You're a good listener,
You're a good talker,

You're honest,

You're trustworthy,

You understand,

You make me feel amazing,

You are amazing,

You took my heart from the beginning and kept it safe,

You're perfect,

You're my soulmate,

You're mine

That's really all I know though, it's all the honest truth, but there's something more about you..
Something I can't quite put into words..
You heard how my mind is set out, in these 'boxes'
You know that yours is the biggest.
I can only begin to scratch the surface of what's inside,
Even I don't know the true extent of my feelings for you..
That's why I have so much trouble putting it into words.
I just know what I feel for you is stronger than what I've ever felt for anybody else.
And I couldn't have wished for any other person to have these feelings for.
As much as you'd hate to admit it, you're my perfect girl.
Nothing's gonna change that,
No little argument,
No friend who's trying to get in our way,
Nothing.

Even in death my heart will still belong to you.
_________________________________________________________

I was listening to our song walking home,
Singing along, as you do in public places,
It made me happy..
I haven't heard it in such a long time,
and I haven't smiled so much since I last saw you..
I've grown attatched to you Aby, more than I ever thought was possible..
'I've grown accustomed to your face...' :')
_________________________________________________________

Hehe, I've got a little gap thing,
Filled with the stuff I've gotten from you,
All the letters,
the Christmas card,
The picture you drew,
The jacket you forced upon me,
The teddy you got me for Valentine's day..
It's the closest thing I have to you when you're gone..
And just looking at the things I have can cheer me up rather a lot :3
_________________________________________________________

I don't know why I love you so much,
I just know I do.
I don't understand these feelings,
I just know that they're true.
I don't know what I want in life,
I just know I want you.
I don't care for anything else,
I just care for you.
_________________________________________________________

My emotions took control,
When I looked into your eyes.
I lost my soul,
And I lost my place,
When I stared into your gaze.
Now whenever I see you,
I go to a happy place..
Free from all the torment,
My memories force on me.
I don't know why,
You have this effect,
But I'm glad you do,
For without you,
I am nothing.
_________________________________________________________ 

^^^^^^ 
I don't quite know what that was,
I just end up writing my thoughts in these silly little blogs :')
It's all soppy as fluff, but I don't care :3 
It's all true ^___^
_________________________________________________________

I love you and I always will,
I care for you and I always will,
I'm here for you and I always will be,
I trust you and always will,
You're my world and you always will be.
_________________________________________________________

 I hope this put a smile on your beautiful face as that's all I ever intend to do!
I love you so much Aby Wood, I can't wait for the day when I know you'll be fine
Forever and ever!

ILOVEYOUILOVEILOVEILOVEYOU


THE END!

15th February 2011!

Well then, it's been a while D:
Since mah last blog a fair few things have happened...

For starters.. I may possibly now have a fiancé...
Yeah, I proposed to Aby on the 11th of February :D
She said yes ^______________^
I did kind of confuse her though...

Me - Will you marry me?
Aby - Really?
Me - What?
Aby - What?
*5 minutes later*
Me - So... Will you marry me?
Aby - Really?
Me - What?
Aby - What?
*5 minutes later*
Me - You never answered my question..
Aby - What question?
Me - Will you marry me?
Aby - Really?
Me - Yeah ^___^
Aby - Yeah :D
*Cuddles&Kisses*

Was officially the best moment of my life ^_______^
I'm going to do it right one day, with a ring and everything :)
Not gonna tell her when doe ;D
And I'm defniately not gonna tell her how :')
She'll find out one day ^___^

Saturday morning I was mean to her doe.
She said to me 'You look really happy :D'
I just said 'I am, I has my Aby ^___^'
Then she said 'Is that why you're happy?'
I said 'Well, yeah, I love you?'
Then she got really confused..
Turns out she thought the night before when I'd proposed was just a dream ;D
I did tell her eventually that it was real, and she was really happy agaiin ^_______^
Heheheheh, I love my butterfly ^_____^
We call each other butterfly around people we can't tell as like a code word, a bit silly but it amuses us :')
Calling her my fiancé is quite strange tbh, but every time I do a massive smile appears on my face and I just sit there thinking about how much I really do love her :)
I may only be young but quite frankly I don't care, I know that she's my soulmate and I know full well that I want to spend the rest of my life with her <3<3<3<3<3

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

No-body makes me quite so happy, no-body has the ability to put a smile on my face, no-body's voice makes me feel butterflies flying around in my stomach, no-body, except Aby ^____^

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I like how I always have a really cheesy bit :P
Can't help it, I'm a hopeless romantic with good intentions ;D

_______________________________________________

I can't go a day without you thinking 'God I miss her' or 'I'd do anything to have her in my arms again'
It kills me when we're apart, but I just look forward to the next time I get to see you 'cause I know that the wait will be worth it :) Even if we only saw each other for a couple hours it'd have the ability to make my entire week :D You're just so bloody amazing it's silly, but I know that nothing is ever goiong to change my opinion of you, ever :D

Tbh, words can't even come close to describing my feelings for you.. Hell, even proposing doesn't quite explain it... I'm going to try my hartdest to think of a way to ttruly express to you how much I love you, and how much I really want to spend the rest of my life with you :D

________________________________________________

Well I'm kinda sleepy, so I guess I'ma have to go to bed.

G'night bloggers!


I love you Aby.
<3

Guess who...

Guess who makes my life living?Guess who puts the spark into my soul?
Guess who improves my mood no matter what?
Guess who my heart belongs to?
Guess who, no matter what, owns my undying love?
Guess who I'm going to stick by no matter what?
Guess who's life I intend on making the best it could be?
Guess who I'm going to devote my entire being to?
Guess who actually managed to put the thought of marriage into my head?
Guess who I want to be able to point across the room towards when my Grandkids ask who my first love was?
Guess who the only person I've ever been able to open up to completely is?
Guess who the only person I've felt able to actually cry on, but chosen not to, is?
Guess who I can be my complete self around and know that I'll be loved either way?
Guess who I can just stand and hug all night?
Guess who's laugh can make me want to kiss her?
Guess who the most perfect person in the world is to me?
Guess who I'm in love with?

Guess who this is about?
I guess it could be you,
Reading this with a smile on your face.
All I'm trying to say is,
I love you.

______________________________________________

I'd ask for your hand,
but I guess we're too young.
One day we'll walk through the sand,
in the bask of the morning sun.

Your gorgeous green eyes,
stare directly into mine,
My stomach fills with butterflies,
as I embrace you one more time.

What can I say?
you're all that I need.
On this golden sanded bay,
We finally agreed...

To spend forever together,
We'd never say never,
Long after our passing,
We'll keep hold of this blessing,
And 'til the end of time,
You'll be no-one's but mine...
______________________________________________

Crude I know, but it's the best I could do :')
______________________________________________

Someday I'll look into her green eyes,
and know that she'll come too.
A girl like you.

Too many things I don't care for,
but one thing I adore.
Is a girl like you.

I'll always try to look you in the eye,
and tell you it's okay.
As long as I'm with a girl like you.

Tomorrow, I think I'll tell you something.
the thing I haven't said,
To a girl like you.

And even if I don't know what the day might bring,
I know I'll always love,
A girl who is most definately you.
______________________________________________

Yeah I know I wrote it a while ago, I added a few modifications though (:
______________________________________________



This really is dedicated to one person in particular,
My beautiful, perfect, amazing, sweet, kind, gorgeous, funny, cute, adorable, huggable, kissable girlfriend.

Aby Helen Louise Mary-Kate Harley Ashley Wood,
I love you.

Aby.

I hope this kind of helps you understand how much I love and need you..

It's amusing how we started off... You were hugging everybody and I said 'I feel left out!' and you more or less jumped at the chance to hug me :P It was so cute I almost 'awww'd' out loud xD As soon as you hugged me though I realised that I needed to talk to you, I wasn't sure what it was that made me feel that way, I mean, I was definately attracted to you, but it felt like so much more. Like I already knew that we'd share the special bond we now have.

After a month of talking we'd become best friends, and then that complete arsehole broke your heart. I made it my complete priority to try and patch your heart back up, to make sure you'd be okay. I knew the scars probably still remain imprinted on your soul but again, I was trying my hardest to mask those scars by pumping as much happiness and joy into your life as I could muster.

Another few weeks later you told me that you liked me, I did the silly thing of saying that I didn't think I knew you well enough to like you when really I honestly did, quite a lot... That's when we sorted out when our first kiss should be though, not the most romantic of places... [w] the good old home of the smell of sweaty moshers and the occasional indie fag :') It may not have been very sweet, or romantic or anything but it definately lit up a bulb in my head. I knew I had to tell you that I liked you, and it made me regret waiting so long to do it.

Walking back into town from [w] was rather amusing too, when we went in Tescos and you made me hold your hand ;) And that Zoe person was getting ridiculously jealous of me 'cause of the amount she liked you xD I remember her having a go at me for no apparent reason, saying she was going to beat me up if I didn't stop talking :L I just laughed 'cause she looked so incredibly weak :3

The next day I finally plucked up the courage to ask you out, but sadly you were asked out by someone else not long before.. After a long discussion I persuaded you that you should get with the other person, purely because I thought he'd be able to make you happier than I could :/ How wrong was I? He turned out to be a complete dickhead too, called you disgusting for not being vegetarian, he was constantly calling you an idiot, not in the jokey way I do now, but in a seemingly serious, insulting way.. Even after I tried to patch the two of you up he just continued to fuck it up, I never understood why he would do that.. Hehe, it amused me how he didn't trust me with you 'cause he knew I liked you ;) Even after I tried to help him out he still seemed a bit suspicious xD It was actually hilarious :L He should've had more sense than to hurt my best friend, that's obviously going to result in me flirting with her a lot more and spending a hell of a lot of time with her instead of her spending all of her time with you :3

You two lasted almost a month, then you were finally talked into breaking up with that knobhead by one of your close friends and then into getting with me :) We waited a week, and I asked you out while you were sat on my lap on pit. Jodi complained that I didn't ask you out properly even though I followed my description pretty much exactly ;) I was so ridiculously happy when you said yes when in all rights I shouldn't have been, we'd already discussed it and you'd already told me you'd say yes.. But the paranoid part of me just kept thinking 'Why would someone as amazing and beautiful as Aby want to get with me?'

Our first proper kiss in the relationship kind of failed ;) I took you to the bus stop and kissed you there.. Halfway through I got a bloody phone call >.< Ruined the moment completely by vibrating against my penis xD I actually almost got an erection xD It would've been so awkward if you just felt my penis pressing against your leg D: But it would've been another thing we could giggle at ;)

The next weekend you slept at mine :D The first night I got to hold you in my arms as we both drifted away :) It was honestly the best night's sleep I had had up until that point ^_^ To hear your breathing falling into a rhythmic pattern, and to feel the warmth of your body against mine made me the happiest guy alive :) This was yet another thing which made me realise how perfect we were together, I began to believe that day that I was falling for you harder with each passing moment :3 And the realisation made me that much happier :D

It was heartwrenching when you had to leave :( I missed you as soon as you went, my first thoughts were 'I want my Aby back :(' But then I just started to think of the night before and I cheered up a fair bit and managed to stay positive for the rest of the week until I got to see you agian ^_^ That made me more that positve, that made me super-ultra-uber-amazingly happy again :D

I ended up sleeping at yours that Friday night, it was brilliant :) I didn't go home until Sunday aswell which made me feel great :) I'd do anything to spend all the time in the world with you, but for now the weekends will do, and every time we meet up it's incredibly special <3 Haha, that was the weekend I lost my virginity to you :P We, well you, did have some laughs about that :P You know what I'm talking about ;) It ended with us both screaming at my penis :')

Sunday came, and I went home, started feeling sad again at the fact I was no longer there with you :( It took me two seconds after letting go of your hand to miss holding it again :( As soon as I stepped on the bus back into town I wished I could just change my mind and turn around, go back to your house and surprise you with a massive hug.. It was awful missing you, but again, it made our next meeting feel more special ^_^

Haa, then it came to the time we got drunk in town :') We being me and Sonny xD God, we were absolutely blitzed out of our faces.. Sonny and A' got their penises out, which both ended up on my phone >.< You pulled Brianni a lot, then both of you stroked my penis and made me take my top off :P All while trying to make me strip more xD Then I was sat down and you was sat on my lap ^_^ And I kept telling you how much I loved you, not caring what anybody else thought, and kissing you :) People always say, drunken minds speak the truth, and I think I said 'I'm in love with you' so many times that day that if the words were like real objects we could probably fill the Pacific Ocean :') But we'd need a hell of a lot more space if I was going to describe the extent of my feelings for you.

Walking back to Station then was hilarious :P When I kept dropping my phone and screaming at it, then I almost got beat up by that guy 'cause I accidentally looked at him when I was shouting abuse :P Then you asked my mum if she could transfer money into my bank 'cause you thought I was too pissed to get home by myself so you were trying to get me to yours xD The only good thing about how drunk I was is that I didn't feel the cold on the way back to mine from the bus stop :')

The next thing I really remember is your birthday ^_^ It was pretty great, I got to take you to see Little Fockers and it made us both giggle rather a lot :') 'I am.. The GodFocker' ;) I wished I could've seen you first thing in the morning when you woke up and jumped up and down singing happy birthday but I couldn't :( This, however, was the start of our amazing 12 days together :D We spent the first 2 nights at yours, watching films and having sex ;D It made me really happy again to have to fall asleep in my arms and feel you breathing on my chest ^_^

Then we spent a few days at mine.. You ended up watching me play COD quite a bit ;D I do apologize :( But it's soooo addictive xD It's like 'GAAAAHHHHHHH NEED TO KILL ZOMBIE SCUM!' Then I do.. And yeah... Heheh, we finally christened my house ;D Sex on teh couch when everyone was out at the wedding :') Then going to the after party thing which was actually kind of fun D: I was expecting it to be a bit crap... Haaa, when my Dad's car broke down and we had to go borrow that guys xD It was hilarious :P The odd conversations with my Aunty about boob jobs :P And finding out my Dad was shocked about me having a girlfriend ;D

Then we went back to yours for New Year :) It was quite fun :3 I pestered Phil until he let me have a can of Carling which I didn't even end up drinking all of xD Haha, watching Percy Jackson with you :P It would've been good if you weren't complaining about how wrong it was every few seconds ;D But then once it turned into 2011 we had our first kiss of the year :) Then you complained about how it was disappointing so I had to kiss you again :P Not that I minded ^_^

Then it came to the day I had to go home :'( After spending so long with you it felt like my heart had been torn out and stamped on repeatadly then tazerd and shot with a bazooka :( I missed you more than ever, and it actually almost reduced me to tears hahaa. I'm still sorry for making you ill btw :P

Wow, this is a really fucking long blog xD

Well, this is the part where I attempt to describe how much I love you D:

You are my everything. My world, my air, my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without you, I'm glad I don't even have to worry about not being with you aswell because we're so in love ^_^

For every breath you breathe, until you breathe your last, I will always be here for you. If I could, I'd devote every single waking moment of my life trying to make you happy. I don't care about my happiness, it's just yours that means the most to me.

I swear to God that I will always love you entirely, I know that you worry occasionally, about things like Sammi and stuff like that, but there's no need. Nothing's going to change how much I feel for you. I'm one of those really soppy people that actually believes in true love, and in all honesty, I believe I've found it with you.

I've already told you many times that these past few months have been the happiest in my life, spending time with you is my favorite thing to do in the whole world and hugging you just makes me feel really good.

With every nice word you say to me, with every hug and every kiss, with every time our eyes meet, with every time I see you smile, with every time I get the chance to just admire how beautiful you  are, with every time I feel you breathe against my chest, with every time I hear your name and every time I picture your face, I fall for you that little bit more. I already knew I was completely in love with you, but somehow I keep managing to fall harder. I said to you last night that one day I'll stop falling, and hit a concrete floor and break every bone in my body, but really I know full well that I will never stop falling for you..

To me, you are the single most beautiful person I have ever met. I'm not just saying that to get laid, or just because I'm trying to be nice, I'm saying it 'cause it's 110% true. I could spend all day just gazing into your amazing eyes.. I know I'm soppy, but I'm just being honest :')

I fucking love you baby, with every ounce of my being and every teensy tiny piece of my soul and heart. You're my soulmate, everything about you to me is perfect and my views will never change. I'm quite stubborn tbh ;)

I'm always going to be faithful in our relationship, I don't even flirt with my friends anymore xD I just don't wanna fuck it up with you, it's unbelievable how important you are to me :)

Shit, I'ma have to stop now.. I need to do some revision for my maths exam.

I absolutely, 100%

Fucking,

Love you so much!

Forever and ever.

3rd January.. TWO THOUSAND AND ELEVEN D:

AHHHHHHH, it's 2011 D:

I spent New Years Eve and Day with the most wonderful person in the world :) My Aby Wood, she was the last thing I saw in 2010, and the first thing I saw in 2011 <3 I don't think she realises how much she means to me :') It was amazing to kiss her first thing in the morning on New Years Day :)

It felt like my heart had been ripped out when I had to leave her house yesterday :( After spending 12 days together it just doesn't feel right being apart :/ And now she's grounded because of her tattoo so I don't even know when I'm gonna be able to see her again :(

Anyways, I have lots of college work to do :( And lots of revision 'cause I have my AS level Maths exam (Core 1) not long after I go back to college.. I'm aiming to get higher than 81% and I hope to God I can do it.. I've been getting just under 80% in the mocks we've done so I know the stuff, I just need to make sure I get enough practise in :)

It doesn't feel right to say that I'm already half way through my first year at college... In fact, it's really weird... I've made so many amazing friends there though, it's fuckin' brilliant :) I really think I should start being nicer to them all though :/ I can't help being a dick sometimes, it's just the type of person I am I guess. I don't like upsetting/annoying people but it just happens...

Reetihoee, I'm off to eat vegetarian lasagne <3 Fare thee well fellow bloggers, I love thee all <3

CHRISTMAS! Blog Numero Uno

Eeeee, my first blog ^.^ God I'm sad...

Woke up on Christmas day to find an Aby hitting me with the Hello Kitty I bought her 3 days ago >.< How lovely and thoughtful of her... I guess I do kinda love her lots though, despite how mean she is to me :(

I gots shower gel off my aunty, I hope she's not trying to say that I smell :( BUT I GOT A CARD OFF SANTA, saying, 'Check your bank account, Love Santa.' and I was like, ZOMGZ -Checks bank- and there was £200 and then I was like D: Then I was like YAYYY then I was like hehehehe.

I'm watching Paranormal Activity at the moment with my beautiful girlfriend ^.^ I think she's a wee bit scared but I'm sure she'll be okay :3 Now she's complaining that I said she's scared.. Apparently it's 'jumpy' not scary >.< NOW SHE'S CALLING ME GAYBOY :'( -Dies- She just kissed a dead person... D: NECROPHILLIAC, JAMIE'S SCARED D: I'm alive now though... And I love Aby :3

That's all I can be arsed to write for tonight >.< I might consider writing more another time but for now I wanna enjoy the film :) Bye bye you sad, sad people...<3